I hate candy corn! It’s like eating a wax candle that you found at your grandmothers house. It is the worst Halloween candy of all time. Here are 10 Things That Are Better Than Candy Corn.
I think comedian Lewis Black said it best: “All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.”
Candy corn, for as long as I can remember, has been the red-headed step child of Halloween candy. No one admits to liking it, but almost 9 million pounds are sold every year. It’s like asking someone if they own a Nickelback or Creed album, most people bought them at some point, but no one is willing to admit it. The same goes for all of those people that are sitting on Limp Bizkit albums… You know who you are!
Colorful and often imitated in seasonal recipes, the actual taste of candy corn is somewhere between stale wax and pure sugar overload…
10 Things That Are Better Than Candy Corn
- An old Band-Aid
- My 8th grade school picture – If you saw it, you would understand why it’s taken all these years to get THAT image out of my brain.
- Spam – If you ever want to test someone’s love for you, make them fried Spam and eggs for breakfast. If they eat it, ask them to marry you right away. No one will ever love you that much… Ever!
- Bubble Gum flavored vodka
- A MAGA hat – I kid, I kid. Seriously… don’t buy me that shit.
- A Limp Bizkit album – At one point, we did it all for the nookie.
- Every season of every “The Housewives…” on DVD
- A thumb in the eye
- The Chicago Cubs seasons from 2007-2013 on DVD – Pure hell!!! Go Cubbies!!
- Gummy Anything – Fingers, bugs, eyeballs or eggs. It just doesn’t matter!
I hope everyone has a happy and candy corn free Halloween!
What do you think is better than candy corn?